The Wind, the Wind

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Today as I sit with the wind blustering and banging, I hear an old familiar thought, "I don't like the wind."

Fear is sitting in my belly. What was deeply settled is getting churned up.

I went back to this piece I wrote several years back – 5, maybe 6 years ago now? The messsage is a little haunting, as what's being stirred up today, resembles the past.

The wind is back to take me further into my power. So I breathe and anchor myself once more.

{The Wind, the Wind... } 

It's been crazy windy here where I live, and it has me on high alert. The wind does that to me; it sets my nervous system off. Deep within I feel a sense of danger. As it knocks my home about, my inner dialogue is, “I don’t like the wind.”

I inevitably end up in a deep conversation with my fear, and it's always about my reptilian brain guarding me against change and holding me back from more.

My inner healer responds by assuring me that energetically there is something cleansing with the wind. It rushes in to sweep away what is old. If I can just let myself relax enough to allow it to take away what I no longer need, I know I will feel better.

But with each gust I find myself tensing up. So I resign to sleep.

I dreamt of a conversation with the wind, her urging me to let go. Yet I know I spent the night refusing.

But this morning there is a sense of trust starting to form. And oddly I feel a sense of the Wind's disappointment in me. "Time is running out," she says. "What will you do?"

So I respond with the only thing I can do: move into my heart center. Grief, pain, fear and longing.... it's all there. Tears, release, and curiosity come next... can I give this all to the wind?

And then I remember another conversation I had not too long ago with the Deva of Wind where she was graciously willing to oblige me in assisting with my healing.

So I decide I can allow myself to enter into her space. And I find her with open arms, gently welcoming me. I allow myself to be held and cradled by her and let the fury of release move all around me. As I do, a fury rises up within me.

Old wounds rise to the surface where people have tried to tell me of my own experience - they told me - and I believed them. Anger moves through and releases through my throat and I begin to question what I believe. The Wind's power urges me on. And I remember my own connection to Nature and the power that is within that, which strengthens me.

Something old and ancient wakes up.

In my mind's eye, I imagine I am in a storm raising my arms while feeling both safe and full of power. This is an energy that has been missing for some time.

The Wind laughs. She says, "I told you...."

And as I come back into my everyday reality, I look outside and see the wind but feel something new. I am a part of that power.

I know more work is calling me to sit with this power as I let go of the anger.

My sense is, my gift to the Wind is to let my own power blow through me with a force that shatters what binds me, and creates a healing wind in its own right. It's all a gift, which I take with an open heart. 

Over to you.

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