How to {finally} surrender.


I may have done it. I may have found a way to surrender… finally.

On the outside, my life looks peaceful. On the inside, I have been at war.

I have been fighting myself and my own ideas around what I “should” be doing… forcing a square peg into a round hole.

I’ve been battling the Universe too. Thankfully the Universe is patient; it’s there gently waiting for me to figure this out.

This fight has left me feeling like I am in a box, constantly trying to open a door that won’t open.

Do you have a box? So many of us do.

We keep trying and trying to open a door in life we think we are to walk through but get nowhere. It just won’t open.

Yet, the idea of turning around in that box and opening another door seems to elude us. At least it has for me.

Eventually, we wear ourselves out. The need to surrender comes knocking. 

So, that’s where I’m at; at a place of surrender… finally.

There’s this oddly serene feeling that’s come over me, despite not knowing what’s next. It reminds me of how, as a kid, I’d relish in simply floating in the water. It was always the most delicious feeling to be held, with no need what-so-ever in that moment

So how did I finally do it? Surrender?

Well, I stopped looking at my life from the perspective of “What I want to happen,” and I started to look at it from the lens of “How I am being asked to serve?”

I thought I was doing that… but I was in my box. I was still telling the Universe I’d gladly serve as long as it fit into my idea of the “who, what, when and how.”

This edge of how much do I choose and define in my life, and how much do I allow and follow, is complicated to maneuver.

Recently, I’ve been asking myself what this balance is. What I’ve learned is, it’s always shifting.

The old paradigm directs, the new one co-creates.

We hear all the time that we create our reality by choosing our direction and taking aligned action. And in many ways this is true, but the act of deciding is not one-sided.

Decisions about who we are and what we are to do in life don’t just come from what our minds want, but by what we are led to… and are continually get led to.

And even though I KNOW that on many levels, it’s easy to slip back into this old paradigm of pushing and directing.

Our struggle comes when we stop working co-creatively with the energy that inspires us.

Boxes with doors that won’t open, spring up all around for people when an initial inspiration is met with a level of isolation.

This happens when we stop working with the energy that inspired us. A flexibility gets lost in this. We become driven to “make it so,” by a deeper need or fear.

Sometimes our inflexibility and inability to surrender back into the energy is driven by a need to be accepted, to “look good,” or to meet some level of success. And, sometimes it’s driven by a single idea of who we think we are. Our ego can take us on a ride to prove itself, landing us in a box like the one I’ve been in.

Getting into questions like, “How can I serve?, “What’s needed of me today?, or asking “Oh Universe, show me what you need today” require us to look within and come face to face with those fears of just what would happen if we let go.

To surrender, you must start with your own inner exploration.

Yesterday someone in a meeting I was in posed a question that Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love author, asked at a recent conference. The question was:

What are you willing to give up to live the life
you pretend you want?

So here’s the how to: Start with that question.

  • Stop thinking, and instead, listen with your heart. What do you say you really want? Be willing to let go of what is not that.
  • Be willing to be uncomfortable while you turn around in that box of yours and try a new door.
  • Surrendering requires you to understand who or what you are surrendering to.
  • Do the inner work to face the fear of what would happen if you did give up certain ideas of who you are, how you are seen, and even what you want, is how you get your hand on that new door of yours.

Let the Universe hold you up for a moment and float.

If you feel like you are in your own box of struggle or disappointment, come back into a co-creative way of moving through your world. Notice your box and reconnect with whatever it is that you know as greater than you that holds you afloat.

See yourself take your hand off that door you have been trying to open and in your mind’s eye turning around. What does it take for you to make that 180º turn and walk about that new door? Then, go do that.

Over to you.

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